Here’s some stuff you might need to know.
Part 1 (start from the beginning)
Part 8 (last installment)

Eternal Optimist
I don’t know what my problem is. Every time I walk into the shop, I have an irrational hope that maybe this time will be different. Maybe it’s only a minor issue.  Maybe I’ll be able to pay in cash.

You walk into the mechanic’s place and say, “Yeah, just wanted to have a small thing checked out. There’s a slight wobble when I drive above 65 on the interstate. Can you take a look and tell me what’s wrong?” The mechanic agrees and you leave feeling good. The car doctor is going to make everything alright. You arrive at work and get lost in your day.

Phone-A-Friend
Six hours go by and your cell phone rings. You look at the number and think, “I don’t know this number. Who is this? Who is this? Who is this? I don’t think I want to get it. Who is this?” By now, the phone has buzzed in your hand 5 times. It’s about to go to voice mail. Something in your head finally yells, “It’s the mechanic!” and you answer the phone. “HELLO!!!!!” you yell way too loud into the phone, praying it hasn’t gone to voicemail – as  though, if it had, voicemail is the black hole of phone calls and that person will be forever lost to you. Voicemail didn’t get it. “Uh, yeah, hey, it’s Randy down at Awesome Auto. I’m calling about your car.”

Goodbye Dream
You can’t explain it, but for some reason you’re nervous. “Yes, hello, Randy. What’s the news?” He begins, “Well…” and pauses for 1/10th of a second. And in that fraction of time, your brain realizes something – you’re hosed. You know that popcorn maker and HDTV you and your roommates have been saving up for? Those wine glasses with the perfect stems? You won’t be getting those anytime soon.

Lemme Tell Ya Somethin
The mechanic continues, “We took a look at your car. There’s a few things wrong with it. That wobble you mentioned is being caused by a combination of factors and it’s a good thing you brought it in when you did. Turns out that in addition to needing all new tires, a gasket sprung a leak and spewed sludgy liquid onto the camshaft and into the drivetrain and that’s really gummed up the transmission. Which is unfortunate because it’s going to require an entire transmission rebuild. That gumming action has also affected the shocks and when we replace those, we’ll need to go ahead and replace the struts and bushings with it and you need a new air filter.”

The Symphony Plays
Your immediate response is not quick in coming. It builds into a crescendo within a matter of moments, though. “Good gravy,” you sigh to yourself, “how much could this possibly cost? I’m better off just getting a new car! This mechanic must be filthy rich. Who does he think he’s fooling with his oily hands, mechanic onesy, often-bad grammar, and run-on sentences? Is this some kind of shabby chic fashion show – automotive edition? The catwalk is the main aisle between car bays and the photographer’s flash has been replaced by the sound of a cash register – ‘Cha ching’ – but instead of buying expensive clothes, I’m buying a warehouse of auto parts for my car.”

You collect yourself and, pretending as if the previous dialogue in your head never happened and that money is no issue, coolly inquire, “So what is this going to run me, Randy?” He meekly replies, “About 3 grand.”

You swallow hard and there’s silence.

Pregunta Primera
As this series has progressed, the one recurring question in comments and from my friends has been, “Are you making this more complicated than it really is?”  It is an excellent question!

Two Roles, Same Dude (or Dudette)
When a doctor or mechanic is presented with a case, the first goal is to diagnose – what is the problem? We’ve got a damaged car that we’re taking to the mechanic (that gray stuff is damage).

If you take your body to the doctor, out comes the stethoscope from the freezer. Old Doc Brown (your doctor’s name) presses the ice circle on your bare-skinned back, giving you instant frostbite. Then they take their triangle hammer and nail your knee cap to induce some kind of muscle spasm that tells them absolutely nothing about your health, but is consistently amusing to him – like an inside joke only he gets – and performed on every patient. (Note: I am not a doctor and completely made up the previous sentence).

A mechanic listens to the symptoms you describe about your broken car and he (or she) goes about inspecting different parts and systems to diagnose the problem.

Truth Teller
At first contact, neither doctors nor mechanics are responsible for making the reality they see (a sick patient or a broken car). When the mechanic calls you on the phone, he’s giving you the diagnosis –what’s wrong.

What Have I Done?
Up until this point, that is exactly what I’ve tried to do – give a diagnosis. You ask, “Is it really this complicated?” Yes! It really is! By and large, you all have agreed with my diagnosis, funny as it may have been presented. But that’s the situation AS IT IS. It is our PRESENT SITUATION that is complicated. But the situation and the solution are two different things!  So where has our situation comes from? How did we get here? We’ve inherited all this! Remember our discussion about socialization? How we get thrown into the river of life when we’re born and our attitudes about everything are greatly impacted by the time and place we live?

We learn things about love from the time we’re kids. Our generation’s thoughts about relationships are different than the thoughts of those living in 19th century Victorian England. What I’ve been diagnosing in this series is what we’ve learned from society. How interesting (and sad!) that Christian relationships typically suffer in the same manner as secular relationships in terms of divorce and other problems. Why? Because we all grow up in the same society and we’ve been shaped by it more than by the truths of God.

In the series, I’ve presented a number of small case studies in an attempt to show how broken down our generation’s attitude toward relationships is. I’ve been diagnosing.

Moved by the Wind
Another way to say it is that we’ve happened upon our thoughts about relationships like a tornado happens upon a house. There’s nothing we can do to control the way things have unfolded. We didn’t choose to have a complicated life. It just happened this way. And we don’t feel so hot about it.

Second Role, Second Life
But we’ve only covered half the story. Doctors and mechanics are not only able to diagnose – they’re able to present solutions to problems. A doctor fixes bodies; a mechanic cars. We’re after fixed lives!

As I mentioned, my time in this series has been largely spent diagnosing the problems we have in relationships today. To some of you (probably most of us), the last few parts have felt like the $3,000 mechanic phone call. It just stinks. At first we’re frustrated, then a little angry, and finally resigned, wavering back and forth between these emotions as we live our lives. We start to think like the disciples when Jesus talked with them about divorce and they replied, “If this is the case between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). Can so big a mess be overcome? I think so. It’s a matter of how.

Why This?
I took a detour for Part 9 because the “is this too complicated” question kept arising. I think having this category is helpful as we pivot from here to close this series! The final parts – 10, 11, and 12 – will attempt to pick up the pieces of relationship debris and put them back in order. Yeah, I’m going to fix relationships in the final 3 parts. No, I’m not! My aim is just to create a few new thought categories – not to be exhaustive.

Proactive
Some of us hate the mechanic or doctor so much and fear their diagnosis to the point that we avoid them altogether. Eventually our cars and bodies break, requiring extra effort, cost, and time to repair. For so many of us, it’s far easier to just ignore the warning signs we see in our relationships. Thinking about all this is hard and difficult. But how much does it cost us by ignoring it? What if the solution IS simple and the situation is the only complicated piece? We’ve been deconstructing/diagnosing our lives for a while. It’s time to put things back together.

Click here for Part 9a.

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