Archive for May, 2009

May 28 2009

What’s Your Epic Song?

Published by under Music

Music is really amazing. It can get us pumped for a game, make us cry in a movie, or force us to cringe from overplay.

What song is crazy epic to you? A song that seems to transcend life?

I’m looking for incredible songs and I’m looking to you for help!

A few for me:
Bon Iver – Re:Stacks
Imogen Heap – Goodnight and Go
Keane – The Frog Prince
Jose Gonzalez – Storm
Phoenix – Everything is Everything

So…. the songs you CANNOT stop listening to – past or present. Epic songs. I’m putting together a list for a project I’m working on. Holla back!!!

26 responses so far

May 14 2009

Own It Challenge: Part 3 – The Call

Published by under Relationships

In case you missed it, check out Part 1 – The Challenge. Also, Part 2 – The Excuses

From Gut Check to Dinner Check
Yesterday, I put up a survey for dudes to vote whether or not they were interested in a girl. On Day 1 of the series, I guessed that 60-75% of guys are interested in someone at any given time. As of this writing, 68% of guys who took the poll said they’re interested in someone. For the rookies out there who are scared of asking a girl out simply because of the logistics, here’s my best shot at how to setup a date.

Girls, Poll Time
No, not pole time. Poll time. Take the poll over on the right! Then back to reading!

Before the Phone Call
Dudes, notice I said phone call! You have to ask her out in person or on the phone. Don’t use Facebook/email/Twitter/text message to ask her out. I did that back in November not thinking anything about it, but as I’ve told the story to my girl friends, they’ve all dogged me for it. I thought I was being chill and not pressuring the girl I asked out. Turns out a lot of girls view it as lame. I personally don’t think they should (and not all do) because it’s not always a passive thing, but I don’t want to be shot down because of my method.

Don’t Be “That Guy”
Ok, full disclosure: I also wish to avoid my name being told in stories of how lame it is to ask someone out through Facebook – “Do you know Andy Merrick? That clown asked me out through Facebook.” No. Thank. You. Been there. Done that. Got ridiculed. Go ahead. Leave me a comment and mock me. But let my mistakes be your gain! :) Ask her out in person or find her phone number from someone. Remember, there’s a line between stalking and reconnaissance. I hereby absolve myself of legal responsibility from any creepers taking my advice to the extreme.

Two More Tips

  1. What does the next week look like for you? Make a list of when you’re free – both days and times.
  2. What restaurant(s) interest you? Pick a chill, but nice place. It doesn’t need to be expensive. Only 20 or 30 bucks. DO NOT MAKE HER PICK WHERE YOU GO! Pick a few places in case she doesn’t like one or the other – sushi, coffee, cool café/deli. As best you can, avoid chain restaurants. Show some creativity!

During the Phone Call
Because this can be a high stress situation, here are the basics.

  • Who are you? “Hey, this is McFly.”
  • Why are you calling? “I wanted to see if you’d like to go out sometime in the next week – to go get food or coffee? NOTE: Ask about the next 7 days, don’t leave it open ended. If she says she’s not interested, say, “That’s fine. I was just going to tell you face-to-face how heartless you are.” No, just kidding. Be gracious. You got shot down. I’ve been shot down. No big deal. There’s girls you don’t want to ask out. Surprise! Not every girl wants to go out with you. ‘Twill be ok!
  • When can she go? If she says, “Yes” – great. Ask her, “when can you do it? Let her give you availability.
  • The Meet and Eat. If both of you have open time, YOU will do the following: 1. Suggest a time to meet. 2. Suggest a place to eat (from the list you made earlier). YOU PICK!!!!

Before You Go
What do you want to know about her? Figure out a little list of questions to ask her. Also, make sure you have money to pay.

At the Restaurant
You’re paying, bro! This is the big leagues and you’ve got a big league salary (even if you don’t). Unless the girl seems angry that you want to pay for it, this meal is on daddy. You’re probably not Dutch and you probably don’t live in The Netherlands, either. So splitting the bill is out.

Kissing
In almost every situation, I highly discourage the first date kiss. As nice as it is, nothing will take you from 0 to awkward like a first date kiss. This isn’t I Kissed Kissing Goodbye but take some time to process things before you touch her face with your lips.

Transportation
In my estimation, about the only time it’s been cool for a girl to pick you up was when your mom rolled up in a Ford Aerostar to get you from tee ball practice. You can pick her up or, if picking her up seems a little too awkward (or your car looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in 4 years), it’s cool – say you’ll meet her at the restaurant. But get there before her.

The Challenge
1 girl to date.
2 hours to talk.
20 bucks to eat.

That’s it and that’s all, guys! Some hottie is waiting for you to call her. Own it.

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16 responses so far

May 13 2009

Own It Challenge: Part 2 – The Excuses

Published by under Relationships

In case you missed it, check out Part 1 – The Challenge.

The Poll
First – dudes…take the poll over on the right. And…moving along.

The Team
I hung out with some of my friends last night and a couple girls (Annie and Betsy) pointed out that I gave guys an “out” in yesterday’s post by mentioning that some of us are bench players – that is, we don’t have anyone we’re interested in. Here’s my advice: guys, we shouldn’t just label ourselves a “bench player” by default. This whole challenge is about – well, challenging ourselves! Here are a list of excuses I often make in not asking girls out…and what I’ve learned.

My “I-Don’t-Care-About-Nuance-Or-Thoroughness” Excuse Explosion List

  • “I don’t want to be rejected.” I asked a girl out and got turned down a few months ago. She probably didn’t dig me and that’s cool. I’m still breathing! Fellas, girls want dudes who will take risks. At a minimum, that means you have to risk looking like an idiot. You have to risk her saying no.
  • “I hardly know her and want to hang in a group to find out what she’s like.” It should only take a few hangs to figure it out. Don’t use this wise practice as a copout. If you’ve hung out 5 times, she uses deodorant semi-regularly, and is still attractive to you, it’s time for a call-up.
  • “I have poor social skills and wouldn’t be able to carry a conversation on the date.” Figure out how not to be boring. Make a list of questions to ask her (but don’t read from it on the date! :). And practice YOUR answers to them because she’ll probably shoot your questions back to you to answer.
  • “I’m afraid of ruining a friendship.” Listen, if things don’t work, you’ll figure it out. If the date makes things weird, it’s only because you rocked the boat a little. After a period of time, things will come back to center.
  • “She’s already seeing someone (or one of my friends is already into her).” Either wait it out or move along and get your mind off her. Or, if you’re especially bold, talk to your friend who likes her and tell him to make a move or move out of the way (a little more diplomatically than that).
  • “I don’t have enough money to take a girl out.” All it takes is 20-30 bucks! Go donate plasma or bet your friends you’ll eat a whole bag of Totinos Pizza Rolls in an hour. The latter would be profitable both monetarily and delicious-arily.
  • “If I ask a girl out, people are going to think I like her. I don’t want other girls to think I’m interested in her.” This is also called “keeping my options open.” In many situations, social pressure can be a deterrent from destructive behavior. Randomly making out with girls in your friend group is a bad idea. That’s good social pressure. But taking a girl out for a meal shouldn’t be in this category. Strange enough, T.I.’s song “Live Your Life” has been a real help to me in this regard. If someone wants to judge you for asking a girl out then let them. Live your life! Don’t be paralyzed by what someone else thinks when the action you’re taking isn’t deceitful or bad. You’re the dude taking control and owning your life. Just because lots of other dudes are “playing it cool” doesn’t mean you have to.

There’s Talent in the System (or… You’re Probably Not a Bench Player)
So here’s my practical suggestion for today. Think you’re a bench player? You’ve got no prospects in your farm system? Don’t be so sure. I thought the same thing. Until I popped Facebook open. Here’s what I did…

  1. Login to Facebook
  2. On the left sidebar, you’ll see a link of how many friends you have (mine says 737 friends). Click it (orange arrow)
  3. own-it-facebook-friends

  4. On the left bar of this page, click your city or organization. For me, it was Nashville, TN (again, Orange arrow)
  5. own-it-facebook-list

  6. Look through the list of girls you know. And get ready for your temperature to rise. You’ll be scrolling along and quickly dismiss them. “No, no, no, no, no, no, no.” And then you’ll come across a girl you dig. “Oh, crap!” It’s like you’ve just been convicted of robbing a bank. You’re getting hot and your heart is beating faster. You found a girl you wouldn’t mind taking out. Now what to do? You’re not a bench player anymore, homie! You just got put into the game. Time to call her. You’ve got to own it and take the challenge! (P.S. CALL HER! Don’t ask her out through Facebook/Twitter/email/text. I learned this the hard way and I’ll talk about it tomorrow).

1 girl to date.
2 hours to talk.
20 bucks to eat.

Welcome to the big leagues!

And for those of you wondering if I’ve been taking my own advice, the answer is yes. I’ve asked a couple girls out in the past month.

Bros, still skeptical or unsure of exactly how to go about making this a chill date? How to ask her? How to plan these two hours? I’ll write more tomorrow on how to make all that happen!

Now check out Part 3 – The Call.

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6 responses so far

May 12 2009

Own It Challenge: Part 1 – The Challenge

Published by under Relationships

One of my favorite relationship questions to guys: “Do you have anyone in the farm system?” In baseball, the major league teams have “farm teams” where their organization’s brightest prospects are able to play and develop against other farm teams. Its meaning, when applied to girls, is simple: do you have any female prospects in your life? Anyone you’re interested in?

My unscientific guess is 60-75% of my friends are interested in someone at any given time – which brings us to my next term – conversion rate. When applied to girls, conversion rate is the percentage of guys who call a prospect up from the farm club (i.e. how many girls get called by a guy for an actual date). Conversion rates in most demographics are low. Abysmally low. Maybe 5%. Girls generally lament that guys aren’t asking them out more.

My Challenge
My challenge to every single guy reading this: 1 girl to date. 2 hours to talk. 20 bucks to eat.

If you’ve got interest in a girl, OWN IT! Ask her out for a meal or to coffee. Don’t make it expensive. Only spend 20 bucks. 30 max. Spend a couple hours talking. Then go home and evaluate how the date went.

The Scenarios
Bench Player. If you don’t have anyone you’re interested in, no worries. Nothing you can do about that. Sometimes, it’s slim pickens down in the farm system.

Starter. If you do have someone you’re interested in, own it. You’re the George Steinbrenner of your clubhouse (he owns the New York Yankees). Make a call to the girl. Do it in the next 24 hours. Heck, do it now!!

Injured Reserve. If you do have someone you like, but can’t own it (because you have baggage or something else), you HAVE to start working through those things. Your organization needs an overhaul and YOU’RE the one to make it happen!

At the end of the day, dudes, this is a small step in leadership. Ask her out. Plan a nice meal. Pay for it. And head home. 1 girl to date. 2 hours to talk. 20 bucks to eat. It’s a date. Make it happen, captain! Interested in a girl? Own it.

Up Next
In the next two days, we’ll look at two additional topics: common excuses us guys give to rationalize not asking girls out and some tips on how to go on a date without being a chach bag.

Plug In
Big ups if you end up asking a girl out! If you do, would you leave a comment and say “I owned it!” I want to see 100 comments from dudes before the month of May is over. I actually want to see 1,000, but that seems outrageous, so I’m keeping it simple.

Plug It
But 1,000 would be awesome.To see 1,000 comments of dudes asking girls out, it means YOU, dear reader, would need to be bouty bout the Own It Challenge. Want to plug it on your blog? Here are a couple banners. When you link it on your blog, just switch to the HTML view of your blog editor and paste the code in below one of these pictures to make them work on your site (it will automatically direct to this post). Also, there are little Twitter and Facebook buttons at the very bottom. Click one of those to post it there!
Now check out Part 2 – The Excuses.


25 responses so far