We give up on things far too easily.
It’s popular these days for writers to encourage people not to give up on their dreams. I’m all for it. Trying to accomplish things that have a low likelihood of success requires all the encouragement you can get.
But there are other ways we give up on things.
Here’s a popular one. You’re having a disagreement with someone. You’re both growing increasingly frustrated and one of you says something outrageous, heavy with sarcasm. “Yeah, that’s right. I’m an idiot. I’ve ALWAYS been an idiot. I’ll always BE an idiot. I know you’ve thought that about me since you met me. Yeah, I get it.” That’s the sound of someone giving up. It’s saying, “I can’t think straight anymore so I’m going to say something so crooked it defies logic.” It’s giving up on trying to control your emotions and constructively solve a problem.
How about this, single people? How you feeling about marriage these days? Now that I’m into my 30s, here’s what it seems like (NOTE: this is a general theory, not a law. NO HATING!!!)
* I did this in MS Paint. That isn’t my real handwriting. My real handwriting isn’t much better, but better than a toddler’s.
For every year beyond 25, marriage seems less and less likely. That may not be the REALITY (statistically it’s not true – average marriage age is past 25) but that’s how it’s felt to me. Some of us less faith-filled singles start saying outrageous things like, “There’s no one out there. I’ve been out with tons of people. I’ve KNOWN thousands of people. I’m telling you, there’s no one out there for me.” We start sinking our own ship and poking holes in our kite. We think (or maybe just _I_ think), “Marriage has such a low likelihood of success. Half of couples divorce. Who knows how many are UNHAPPY but stay married. That’s not a life I want. Maybe staying single isn’t so bad.” The odds seem stacked against us.
If you’re a runner, you’re used to this feeling. “I can’t do it,” says some sad, resigning voice deep inside you as your body suffers on any given day from various types of fatigue (aerobic, muscular, joint, or mental).
One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.
Almost everything worthwhile in life requires us to push through pain. Sitting on a couch, wishing to be fit, never gave anyone a good body. If you give in to the voice that says, “I can’t do it,” you won’t. Period.
The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.
Hey bros out there… wanna get married? Don’t just wish. Stop saying outrageous things and sabotaging yourself. You’ll get nothing for it. Make something happen! But there’s probably gonna be pain. GOOD! Nobody rejoices over exercising with a walk to the refrigerator. But if you stand at the finish line of a marathon you’ll see runners cry their eyes out after they’ve slogged their way through 26.2 miles. Pain makes breakthroughs overwhelmingly awesome.
And for my other bros out there… DON’T wanna get married? I feel you. Truth be told, I don’t necessarily want to get married either. I generally like my life. BUT. I DO want to live the best life possible. What if that means getting married? It very well might! Because as I sit here on a Friday night, by myself, eating a bowl of Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Dumpling soup in my room and writing a post about dating, there’s a sneaking suspicion life could be better right now. Don’t gloss over this.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
There’s value in awesome babes! They’re super hard to find but they bring GOOD, not harm. We fear marrying a lame girl who’ll take all our fun away. We think she’ll steal the value from us. Not so. The good ones make life better, not worse.
It’s been a year since I asked a girl out. That’s a LONG time for me. I’ve been sinking my own ship with outrageous statements of pessimism, giving myself complex excuses why not to ask anyone out. Maybe the end goal of dating isn’t just marriage but a better life. Let me admit: I don’t have a bunch of answers. And that’s the point. We give up on things far too easily. Stop all the speculating. If you don’t have an answer, find out! That’s what I’ll be doing when I ask out this girl simply because she goes to my church and I think she’s beautiful. I’ve said one word to her five times over the past four months: “Hi.”
I’m gonna add another four later today. “Wanna get some sushi?” One answer at a time.
UPDATE 6/30/2012 10:12PM
Just so no one thinks I’m only a talker, I asked ol girl out earlier today. Le sushi tomorrow night. Winky face.